*exhale*

Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers. I have appreciated them greatly.

I'm just home from the services and it went well overall. I mean, as well as it could be expected when the first sibling dies.

I kept myself busy at work on Monday and Tuesday at work providing back-to-back training sessions. Those ended at 4 and by 4:30 it was all catching up with me. I felt great pressure on my chest, a sure sign it all was catching up to me.

I tried working on the remembrances Monday and Tuesday night and only got a bit done on them. That writing stuff...how to structure, what I remember...all that priming the pump stuff so I can think about how things should be structured.

Wednesday viewings had lots of people attending. That was nice. We were surrounded by great pictures of John in many aspects of his life. There were some great ones that I hope to be able to get copies of for my collection.

The service went well, as did the remembrances. Of course, I got an inspiration on the way to the funeral home to change what I was doing and focus on those great pictures.

On the way home, I started to need that reminder to breathe again. The pressure welling up inside my chest. I expect this will get better over time. The holidays will be hell to get through, as will the annual boys fishing trip for 2008. I understand why people die. I have an understanding what happens after we die. But it still does not make it any easier.

I need to exhale and allow it all to become real so I can honor myself and sort through my emotions.