When It Hurts Enough

Perhaps you've heard the saying "people change: when it hurts enough, when they learn enough, when they want enough." This is a terrible translation of something on Chris' filing cabinet at work.
Today (well, yesterday at 11:57 p.m.) it hurts enough. I said outloud as I was reading information for a meeting "I don't want to do this anymore." As I held back the tears, I put myself in check. Having seen What the Bleep 6 times and from personal experience, I know that words can misdirect our intentions and lead us to off track areas. So I clarified. What I don't want to do anymore is struggle with all this pressure and discomfort. Speed of activity and misdirected attentions really spin me out of control.
My job has provided me excellent learning experiences:

training people hiring people customer contact problem resolution excellent benefits fair treatment as an employee access to vast amounts of information great friends

Time as come for me to be able to do these things at the expected speed of light while being able to provide metrics of results. The learning of moving at the speed of light, developing correct methods of metrics and focusing on appropriate results (without always getting support from my supervisor) gives ample opportunity for growth. Focusing on tasks is a skill I'm successfully learning. Limiting distractions also brings more opportunities. I wish I had learned this earlier in life, but so be it. :)